{"product_id":"coffin-dodging-oxygen-thief-birthday-greeting-card","title":"Coffin Dodging Oxygen Thief Birthday Greeting Card","description":"\u003ch2 data-path-to-node=\"8\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"8\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eRespect Your Elders? Nah.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9\"\u003eSome people age like fine wine. Others are just stubbornly refusing to go into the light. The \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9\" data-index-in-node=\"94\"\u003eCoffin Dodging Oxygen Thief Birthday Card\u003c\/b\u003e is the ultimate roast for the geriatric friend or relative who has overstayed their welcome on Earth (in the most loving way possible, of course).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003eSkip the sentimental verses about \"wisdom\" and \"grace.\" Give them what they really deserve: a reminder that they are technically still alive, even if they are stealing valuable air from the rest of us.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"11\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"11\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eWhy You Need It:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"12\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBrutal Honesty:\u003c\/b\u003e The perfect way to roast your best friend or sibling who is getting a little too old.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eBritish Wit:\u003c\/b\u003e Uses classic slang (\"Coffin Dodger\") to deliver the insult with a bit of sophistication.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"12,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"12,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003ePremium Quality:\u003c\/b\u003e Printed on heavy luster cardstock, so it feels nice even if the message is mean.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-path-to-node=\"13\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"13\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSpecs:\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-path-to-node=\"14\"\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14,0,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eSize:\u003c\/b\u003e 5x7 Inches (Standard A7)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/b\u003e Heavyweight Luster Cardstock\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,2,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14,2,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eInterior:\u003c\/b\u003e Blank (Write your own eulogy... er, birthday wish)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"14,3,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"14,3,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eIncludes:\u003c\/b\u003e Matching Envelope\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"The Original Underground","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52199435698450,"sku":"COFFINDODGECARD040424","price":1.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0079\/2615\/3283\/files\/Coffin-Dodging-Oxygen-Thief-Birthday_Card_Photo_190c69d0-3a3d-45c5-956b-4aca6e9e47ab.jpg?v=1777897143","url":"https:\/\/ralphiesfunhouse.com\/products\/coffin-dodging-oxygen-thief-birthday-greeting-card","provider":"Ralphie's Funhouse","version":"1.0","type":"link"}